Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
