Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
