last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
