i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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