It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
