Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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