Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
