So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
