Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
