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Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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