listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
