He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
