I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
