I'm lost and stupid without you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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