I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
