put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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