chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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