Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
