I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
