Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
