I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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