That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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