haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
