I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
