I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
