Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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