sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
