I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
