I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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