we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
