you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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