So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
