Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
