if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
