May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
