he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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