Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
