I puked a lego.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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