ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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