Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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