If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
