i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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