drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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