Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
