hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
