I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
