2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
