I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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