I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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