Please, let me fuck your mom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
