If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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