how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
