I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
