I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
