I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize