3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
