My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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