Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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