Nicole vs. Life
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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