I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
