Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
