those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
