Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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