i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
