Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
