I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
