i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
