It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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