You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
