He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
