i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
