I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
