He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
