I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do vagina's smell?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
