It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
