I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize