I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
