I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
