I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize