I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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