Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
