Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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