Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
